101 Reasons Why Picard Is Better Then Kirk A joke :)
Posted 27 November 2006 - 05:22 PM
"The Revenge of Picard" by Master Overmind of Borg
00. Kirk is a leader, not a follower.
Leading everyone to death ?
99. Kirk never really got into that kinky "Jumpsuit" look.
It's too ugly to do that.
98. Kirk has sex more than once a season.
These are not some X-rated serie...
97. One Word: Hair.
Hairless is better (less fire damage in caze of ... fire).
96. Another Word: Pretty-good-looking-can't-see-the-weave-WIG.
Rule of Termination #9230F3E2-E : Details are irrelevant.
95. Kirk can beat up a Klingon bare-handed.
Picard can order one what to do.
94. Picard is a French man with an English accent.
That means he can speak French. Kirk can't.
93. Kirk would date Beverly Crusher -- and damn the consequences!!
Date the sub-officers ? milirary rule (donno witch) says no.
92. Kirk never drinks tea. Ever.
It drinks water.
91. Diplomacy for Kirk is a phaser and a smirk.
That's why the klingons were winning.
90. Kirk would personally throw Wesley off his bridge.
Picard allready did that first time.
89. Two words: Shoulder Roll.
One word: useless.
88. Kirk doesn't wear dresses when admirals arrive for lunch.
Is he naked ?
87. Kirk once said: "I've got a belly-ache -- and it's a beauty."
And Picard as Locutus sayed: We are the Borg. Resistance is futile.
86. Kirk would never sing to children in a crisis.
It does not have any on the ship.
85. Kirk can almost drive a stick shift.
Good for him. Useless for the ship.
84. Kirk, almost single-handedly, re-populated the Earth's whale population.
Too bad it didn't do that with T-rexes.
83. Kirk says "Prime Directive? What Prime Directive?"
Error #101: Inssuficient intelligence.
82. Kirk knows 20th Century curses.
Picard knows the French ones.
81. Kirk was NEVER infiltrated by the Borg and used against the Federation.
And he probably would regret that a lot.
80. Kirk ate little coloured cubes and still remained relatively healthy.
Not green colored.
79. Kirk made do with obviously low performance technology.
Rule of Termination #58EC1F7E-1 : Evolution is inevitable.
78. Kirk never pretends to be a barber in order to gain a tactical advantage.
He pretended to be drunk. Ooops; it really was !
77. Kirk wasn't shy about taking his shirt off-even around those pesky Yeomans.
Rule of Termination #06F3E15A-1 : Emotion is a design flaw.
76. Kirk would never waste a holodeck on something stupid like Dixon Hill.
Yes, it would make it a storage depot.
75. Kirk never once stood up and had to straighten his shirt.
It looked like phlox anyway, so there was no reason to look like straight phlox.
74. One Word: Velour.
73. Kirk can beat a Vulcan at Chess.
Picard can beat Kirk at Strategy.
72. When Kirk was Picard's age, he retired from Admiral and took to climbing rocks.
And eventually died.
71. When Picard was 37, he was only Captain of the lowly freighter, Stargazer. When Kirk was 37, he was Captain of the flagship Enterprise.
Rule of Termination #9230F3E2-0 : Age is irrelevant.
70. Kirk liked a good belt of liquor every now and again.
See #78 above.
69. One Word: Iman.
Long time ago, too long.
68. Kirk looks good with a ripped shirt.
67. If Kirk ever met a Ferengi, he would rip off its head and phlox down its neck.
If a Ferengi met Kirk, it would "aquire" his ship.
66. Kirk says "Shoot first and wait for retaliation."
"n" Warbirds decloaking...
65. Kirk's first officer NEVER tells him to stay on the bridge.
Error #106: Inssuficient fortitude.
64. Kirk never leaves the room to bawl somebody out.
Rule of Termination #9230F3E2-B : Civilians are irrelevant.
Rule of Termination #9230F3E2-C : Humans is irrelevant.
63. Kirk doesn't rely on the wisdom of some dumb old jnitor to get him out of intergalactic scrapes.
Error #107: Inssuficient wisdom.
62. Two Words: Funky Sideburns.
Funky has no place in Star Trek. Even the $ were gone !
61. Kirk never asks his bartender for advice.
Ow, yes it does: What the next drink shall be ?
60. Kirk never once said "Abandon ship! All hands abandon ship!"
He was inlove.
59. Kirk is not politically correct.
Rule of Termination #33274CC1-1 : The Law is incorrect.
58. Kirk never got "dumped" by a woman for an intergalactic busy body named after a letter of the alphabet.
Never met one.
57. Kirk never wore green tights and frolicked about in Sherwood Forest.
Too bad. It would of hate it so much that he'd stay dunk a week.
56. If there was ever a Klingon on Kirk's bridge, Kirk would likely be dead.
If there was ever a Romulan woman on Kirk's bridge, the Federation and the Romulan Star Empire would of been allies.
55. Ever hear of a bar shooter called "Make it so?" No? How about a "Beam me up Scotty" then? See the difference?
Ya, too much talk and all for nothing !
54. One Word: Miniskirts.
Tow words: see 98.
53. Kirk's girlfriends always look good in soft light.
Rule of Society ##3412D39A-4: Women are irrelevant.
52. Kirk never went anywhere without a whole bunch of guys in red shirts.
He went to his quorters alone.
51. Kirk's first officer didn't play some wimpy instrument like the trombone.
Error #108: Insuficient expirience.
50. Kirk had more dates than his first officer.
He didn't date the Borg.
49. The extent of Kirk's knowledge of Klingon vocabulary can be roughly translated as "GO PHLOX YOURSELF."
Error #101: Inssuficient intelligence. P'taQ is the word.
48. If something doesn't speak English -- it's toast.
Species 8472 don't, and they manage.
47. Kirk wasn't some prissy archaeology fan.
If we would of been, maybe he could of find something else than it's Phlox.
46. Picard's middle name isn't tough or awe-inspiring like Tiberius is.
Tiberius = romulan name --> traitor ->> should be killed by Klingons !
45. If Kirk finds a strange spinning probe, he blows it up.
Usually the probe is immune to damage.
44. Picard never met Joan Collins.
Kirk never met Q.
43. Picard flunked his entrance exams to Starfleet.
42 Picard hasn't fathered any children; Kirk -- probably millions.
Waste of bad matherial.
41. Kirk has a cool phaser -- not some pansy Braun mix-master.
Should of used it on himself.
40. Two Words: Line Delivery.
39. Picard grew up on a quaint little French vineyard, squishing grapes with his toes, while Kirk slung bails of wheat and hay in Iowa to put himself through school.
And Kirk suppose to be prowd of that ?
38. Kirk emphasizes his orations with pertinent hand gestures.
Like: "Talk to the hand ?"
37. Kirk once made a cannon out of bamboo, sulphur, potassium nitrate, charcoal and then fired diamonds into the hearts of his enemies. (Need we say more?)
Picard destroyed a Borg Cube.
36. Kirk is not put off by green skin.
It's put off by red skin.
35. Kirk knows how to deal with peace loving hippy goofs.
And Picard knows how to deal with unleashed-angry-mobs lead by Kirk-like people.
34. Kirk once fought a Greek god. And won.
Picard fought Q three times. And won.
33. Kirk barely asks for suggestions. And if he does, he asks Spock only.
Error #102: Inssuficient determination.
32. Kirk doesn't let the doctor tell him what to do.
He needed no doctor.
31. One Word: Fisticuffs.
Error #101: Inssuficient intelligence. must use strenght.
Error #105: Inssuficient strenght. Upgrade required.
30. Kirk's name is hated throughout the galaxy.
Picard's is feared.
29. Kirk appreciates Shakespeare, but he doesn't let it show.
28. You can never lock up Kirk for very long.
You can get him drunk.
27. Kirk's eulogies can actually make you cry.
Rule of Termination #06F3E15A-1 : Emotion is a design flaw.
26. Kirk plays god with lesser cultures, and then exploits them for resources.
Coward again. Why not do that with better cultures ?
25. Kirk's son would never drop out to become a musician.
He'd drop pants for a vodka.
24. Kirk can climb up a Jeffries Tube and fix anything.
Rule of Termination #58EC1F7E-1 : Evolution is ievitable. They use drones now.
23. Kirk never hired an engineer with punk glasses.
Neither did Picard. Geordi was assigned by an Admiral.
22. The Klingons didn't have a word for surrender -- until they met Kirk.
Not true. The Klingons never surendered.
21. Kirk's bridge is not beige.
It's like a hospital room full of nurses.
20.Two Words: Crane Shots.
One word: Troy.
19. Picard likes wimpy violin music -- and coerces Data into playing it.
And Data go to be the no#1 player.
18. Picard allows cats on board, while Kirk beams away even really cute things, like Tribbles.
Cats have superior night vision.
17. Kirk is a cultural icon -- Picard is just some guy who's really nice.
Was, he's dead now and forgotten.
16. Kirk specifically ordered a swivel LA-Z-BOY for the bridge.
15. Kirk would never touch SYNTHAHOL.
Not that if he would know of.
14. Kirk looks distinguished in reading glasses -- and nobody dares to call him "four eyes."
I dare !
13. Kirk can infiltrate Gangsters, Nazis, and even the Pentagon -- easily.
Picard "infiltrated" a Borg Cube.
12. Picard likes painting nudes, for art's sake.
So deos Kirk, but he just holds it.
11. When Kirk doesn't trust the Romulans, he fires at them. When Picard doesn't trust the Romulans, he gets fired at.
When Kirk trusts the Klingons he drinks with them. Picard would never trust a Ferengi.
10. Kirk never once, ever,wore a wiener wrapping Speedo banana hammock on shore leave.
Too bad, maybe he'd won some XP.
9. Kirk never gets his command codes locked out by some pimply acting ensign.
And if he's brain-injured, the ship is phucked.
8. Kirk doesn't test the engines -- he just fires them up.
Until the reactor goes critical and ship gets to starbase.
7. When Kirk says "Boldly Go," he MEANS it.
He ment "Boldly Go for a drink !"
6. Three Words: Flying Leg Kick
One word: Assimilation.
5. Picard's crew would never ever think of him as a sexual object.
That must suck for Kirk.
4. Kirk traveled through The Great Barrier, met God, and wasn't even impressed.
Wasn't God, just a fake. Q is superior to that thing anyway.
3. Kirk's bedroom is a passion pit with electric sheets.
See 98. Again.
2. Kirk would never let his Chief of Security wear a ponytail.
Too bad, tails can be used as weapons of last resort.
1. One Word: Phlox
Phlox hurt most in human body.
Objectionable words have been edited.
Please refer to Forum Rules #3 and #11
Posted 16 February 2007 - 09:27 AM
I'm with you man. Jonathan Archer, James T. Kirk, Jean-Luc Picard, Benjamin Sisko, and Kathryn Janeway are all the best.
Posted 26 February 2007 - 10:05 PM
For example, if Kirk had been assimilated by the Borg, he probably would have let it eat him alive instead of visiting his brother and breaking down into tears.
But, if Picard had ever been falsley accused of assassinating a Klingon chancellor, he probably would have insisted the system will exhonerate him, then spent the next 20 years as a model inmate on that Klingon mining prison until the truth was finally revealed.
And looking at their experiences in the Nexus we see that Kirk's vision of happiness is settling down in his log cabin with a hot cowgirl while Picard's vision of happiness is settling down with a prudish wife and a bunch of pretensious kids.
So, it's hard for me to say that one is better than the other because they both have strong suits in different areas.
Posted 05 April 2011 - 08:57 AM
Posted 08 April 2011 - 12:30 AM
Kirk and Picard can fight this out in space, William Shatner is a hell of a guy!
Posted 17 May 2011 - 01:59 PM
Posted 19 May 2011 - 02:10 PM
Posted 29 August 2012 - 12:33 PM
On a more serious note, I like both Picard and Kirk and they've both got their strenghts.
I liked the part about Kirk and Klingons...
I really like to know how Kirk will handle Borgs... especially the borg queen and 7 of 9....hehehe
I guess if Kirk was in DS9, he will be a very, very happy man.
If Kirk is in Voyager, I dont think they will get lost.
If Kirk is in ENT think he will never need SPOCK.
Honestly Kirk is an interesting Captain.
This post has been edited by Firdaus: 29 August 2012 - 12:37 PM