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Unexpected gifts

Posted by Kirok, 09 February 2004 · 63 views

Twelve months ago I was in the middle of a very invasive course of treatment which I finished in April. Today after ten months I am only two kilo's below my original weight and getting my general well-being back.

I make a point of trying to face my problems, I don't wait for them to trip me up but seek them out and neutralise them before they can become really threatening. All the problems I've had in the past could be solved with effort: working, saving, building, learning, training. But no amount of skill could change my health. No amount of work or training could change what was in my bloodstream. All I could do was take the medication and wait for it to run its course, putting up with the side-effects that turned me into a stranger. I had to wage a war made up of battles that I could not win, but that I might be able to walk away from as the victor if I could endure the indignities, counting off the days. I was literally powerless to change my situation and for me that was Hell.

Far worse than the physical effects it had on me was the fact that it robbed me of the one thing that defined me as an individual. It stole my Chi, my confidence. After six months of restoring my physical health I started to face the problem of rebuilding that confidence in myself. I started an ambitious audio project in a new fandom - Crimson Skies - and started to realise: I can do this. However before I could go ahead with it I needed to fulfil what I have come to see as my obligation to Star Trek fandom: The Twelve Trek Days of Christmas. I see it as my way of giving something back to the many great fan production groups in return for all the friendship, enjoyment and inspiration that they have given me over the year.

I officially started it on December 19 and I'm expecting to have the eleven "Days" that I am responsible for finished by February 19. Two of them, Days 3 and 8 were the work of TWERP and Final Frontier Media respectively, but I can honestly say that, in two months, I will have completed nine major projects.

Its an amazing thing though, sometimes when you give something away you get the most unexpected gifts back in return.

How do I know?

I've just realised that I've got my Chi back!

Kirok of L'Stok

November 2017

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